Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Resident Evil: Afterlife

Welcome to my Movie Review Blog; After the Credits, I am Little John. For my kickoff review, I chose to start this party off with a bang. This isn't going to become a reoccurring theme, me reviewing a movie so far into its franchise, but I felt compelled to make this my first official post. I had the misfortune of talking myself into watching the 4th movie in the Resident Evil's "slow train wreck of destruction" movie saga and this is my moments after conclusion thoughts and reflections.

To give a little bit of background for those of you who have missed the first three movies (I can't imagine why), these films are very loosely adopted from the video game of the same name by Capcom. Basically an evil corporation dealing in bio-chemical weaponry has made an oops and contaminated the whole world. Dreadfully long story short, these movies have turned Milla Jovovich into what the "Lara Croft" movies have done to Angelina Jolie (hint: I'm not a huge Angelina Jolie fan).

In this installment, hopefully the last of the saga, Alice once again finds herself alone searching for uninfected humans throughout the world. She first finds Ali Larter (hottie and returning cast member from the 3rd installment) in Alaska and they then fly somewhere (I wasn't paying attention to much of where they were going) and later finding out they were now in LA. Then it pretty much follows the normal "crappy zombie movie" storyline of finding uninfected humans surrounded by tons of living dead. A lot of people die, some more surprising than others, and a small group made it out to a tanker in the ocean.

I'm not going to ruin the entire movie for those of you who really want to see it. But it isn't worth the price of our Netflix subscription, nor the $1 you would pay for Redbox. Nothing new happens, the dialog is mind numbing and the so called "worlds most advanced 3D technology" makes the CGI seem like its produced in the mid '90s. Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson isn't saying much either. After directing all four Resident Evil movies as well as a slew of Hollywood "don't sees" he is trying his chops out in the newest adaptation of writer Alexandre Dumas's "The Three Musketeers" later this year. Look forward to that review.

I have not yet come up with a rating system for this blog, but if I had, this movie would probably fall a couple of rubber bat-suit nipples short of a Batman & Robin sequel... Until next time...

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